Explaining Nabi’s Character Arc (19 August 21)

Nabi’s ex played an important role in shaping her character arc. His contribution to her wounds and false beliefs created the fears that prevent Nabi from blossoming into an artist, and from finding love when it is laid out in front of her.

In Ep 1, Nabi describes her ex as someone serious, someone who puts meaning in the abstract and unfamiliar.

We also see that Nabi’s ex is not sensitive to her feelings – in the gallery, he was smiling even when Nabi was on the verge of tears.

At school, he did not even notice Nabi’s disappointment when he painted over her drawing.

When they were about to consummate their relationship (presumably the first time), he did not even ask if Nabi wanted protection or not – instead he implied that the presence or absence of which will define their relationship.

He was a narcissist who only cared about himself. 

He always had the final say, always pulling her by the strings. He was always right, and Nabi’s feelings were not valid if they did not match his perspective.

Nabi lost control over herself and has forgotten the boundaries to which she was entitled. She was stripped off her self-agency, and even worse, stripped off the right to her own choices when it comes to her body (i.e. her statue, the colour of her nails)

Her previous relationship made her insecure and made her less confident in her point of view.  

She’s always second guessing herself and always finds herself confused with her thoughts and feelings.

Nabi is also wounded by the ghosts of her mother’s past. As a child, she saw her mother getting hurt because of love. She saw her mother go from one failed relationship to another without the certainty of finding that one true love.

Nabi met JE when she was fresh out of her abusive relationship. While most of us agree that it was bad timing because she needed to heal and focus on herself first, another way to see it is that JE was essential in her journey to growth.

This is because JE is the exact opposite of her ex. Before anyone argues that this is wrong, let me count the ways.

First and foremost – JE is attentive. He always pays attention to her. In a crowd, he has his eyes looking after her.

JE gives her the right to her own self. He gives her the upper hand, he lets her decide, he always asks if what he will do is okay with her – be it verbal or non-verbal. He has done this since the very beginning. 

JE believes in her talent and never once interfered with her works unless otherwise asked to. And when he does, he is just there to support her.

Nabi needed someone opposite her ex to possibly rekindle her self-worth, if only she were to open her eyes to it.

However, Nabi, who has been gaslighted in her previous relationship for years, has already been unconsciously conditioned to second-guess not only JE’s actions but her feelings towards him.

That JE is insincere towards her was a lie that the world told her and a lie that she believed because she was blinded by her own trauma.

And she chose not to see the sincerity of JE’s actions and affection because she was trying to protect herself.

Her insecurities also caused her to be vulnerable to other people’s opinions. Bitna telling her that JE does not date, her friends gossiping about her and JE, and the ahjussi’s advice gravely affected her thoughts and feelings.

Her insecurities made her believe the opinions of others over her own feelings, so she (angrily) ended things with JE. When this happened, JE was like a deer caught in headlights. He thought she agreed to their setup, so what exactly did he do wrong?

To JE, he did not fail to ask for her permission each and every time. Everything they did was consensual and they, in fact, were happy with what they had. 

But the thing is that Nabi wants certainty – something that is unfamiliar to JE.

But Nabi couldn’t ask for it. And neither can she say that she likes him. Her insecurities won’t let her do it. She has learned from her prev relationship that speaking up will make her feel worse in the end, so she just walks out of uncomfortable situations.

It did not help that JE was struggling with his feelings for Nabi, too.

He was grappling with the idea of certainty in a relationship, and yet he chose to hide the struggle within himself because to him, Nabi should always come first.

It’s easy to say that Nabi could have just asked, or JE could have just said anything. But these characters are both bruised and battered by their past and are dealing with the painful growth from their youth. 

In the case of Nabi, her self-preservation was a consequence of her emotional trauma. Rebuilding oneself after getting out of an abusive relationship does not happen overnight and definitely needs a lot of work.

It is certainly so confusing to be in her shoes, having found love at a rather conflicting time. But I believe that this was crucial in her growth as an individual.

Because the magic of LOVE is that being in it, we find and lose ourselves at the same time.

mignonxminion