Rain Scene Analysis (15 August 21)

We start the episode with stifling repression, and end with a painful release of strong emotions. For two individuals who grew up hiding, masking, brushing away, this moment was entirely necessary. A breaking apart, tearing down.

The two sit side by side, our visual distance from them emphasises the emotional distance they have with each other. The camera is static, creating almost a stifling heaviness. It only tracks forward whenever either of them take a step to talk to the other.

This scene is in fact a continuation of what we’ve seen so far. JE has been trying to figure out who he is to NB, how he fits into NB’s life. Ever since Ep 7 he’s tried to convey his feelings.

In Ep 8, he tries to clear things up at NB’s aunt’s, but leaves when NB does not want to be pushed. He confesses to NB that he saw her at the museum. All methods have proved futile mostly because he never puts a name - never gives the concreteness that NB needs. But given what comes in scenes before and after (Nabi never believes in his sincerity when he tries to be direct), it’s hard to say if he was ever going to succeed in the first place.

But at the end of Ep 8, we see him do what she quietly yearns that he would. Not give up on her, and give her a call. NB, despite having wanted him to do so, is unable to decide if to pick up. She still has not figured out where she wants to go with JE.

JE is not privy to her thoughts, he has failed and failed again. At the bar, he tries anew. Opening up, little by little. As always he starts with the details - JE has always cared for the details when it comes to NB. He asks, “Is something going on?”

DH calls, and the camera tracks in as we hear JE’s inner dialogue. Visually, emotionally, we are pulling in closer to him. He tries again to discuss DH, because he needs to figure out where DH stands, and by extension, where he stands in NB’s life.

“Do you like him?” We get more intimate to him and NB as she opens up a little more. Closer. “Then why aren’t you dating him?” And closer. “If I date him he’d get disappointed in me. I’m not the sort of person he thinks I am.”

And closer. “At least to him, I want to seem like a good person.” Silence as the camera moves in closer still. Followed by, “Then what about me?”

We are slowly released from the sonic grip. The bar’s music had been low to heighten the emotional intensity in this scene, but at this moment it returns to normal, as NB and JE face each other.

Yet the camera pushes in one last time, quicker than before, heightening the tension. The pair’s literal face-off here, setting up the face-off to come.

As he makes his way to NB’s place he spots DH. He’s surprised, he’s upset. Remember DH is the guy who was curt with him in Ep 8, there’s tension between them and JE knows NB is not dating DH. JE asks to go into NB’s place. As always, he asks again to make sure.

On the surface all is calm, but isn't it always the case with the two of them? The camera is almost dizzying in random movements, the emotional turmoil keenly depicted. JE stares at the suncatcher, the first time he ever gave NB a gift.

He remembers that she found it pretty, remembers that he found her pretty. He tries to smile to stop himself from crying. NB lies, she knows the suncatcher remains. But for all her exterior coolness she always has, and still does, have feelings for him.

JE endlessly cycles through ways to try to get past NB’s walls. He mentions the birthday present again. Why does it even matter? One can presume for at least 13 years, JE has never had someone to celebrate with, but perhaps, he could just get a gift.

At some point, he must’ve convinced himself certain things didn’t matter. But with NB, many things he thought didn’t matter now suddenly do. A message, a gift, anything, something - If only he had something from NB to keep with him.

It fails, but again he tries. This time, with touch. He manages to draw a genuine laugh from her and laughs along instinctively. Though fleeting, it reminds one of when NB once said, “We’re compatible.” Alas, this time touch does not work. Defeat is written on his face.

Had JE not grown at all he wouldn’t have persisted. JE used to protect himself first. But this time, he doesn’t give up. He asks again if it was a mistake, NB insists it’s so, for her and for him, but can’t face him. JE knows NB is lying.

JE abandons his questions. This time he’ll make statements -  It wasn’t a mistake for me. I enjoy being with you. I like your angry face too (i.e. I like every side of you, the positive, the negative. All.) Importantly, I’m not teasing you.

If only NB took everything without doubting. We see her doing what S says - trying to find problems where there are none. He asks her out, he wants to date her. And she questions why he suddenly said that. It’s an impasse.

But we get a glimpse into NB’s heart. NB needs verbal affirmation that he likes her. Even though she knows that him asking her to date is huge, she wonders why he doesn’t state that he likes her first.

But JE’s “I like yous” are poured into the gifts he crafts for her. Just as her one drawing can ease him when he is nervous about his confession and puts a smile on his face, JE seeks to give comfort and love to her through the bracelet he makes.

For more about this difference in communication styles I highly recommend @herlittledramas’ thread.

NB isn’t obtuse. There are many moments in the show when we see her looking and trying to read JE. On a level I do think she knows his sincerity, she’s just not at a point, given all her past hurts, her worldview, where she can accept it as true.

However, as with Ep 6 with JE, in Ep 9 we see her having many talks with people around her. In observing her friends she evaluates herself and JE. She knows it’s easier for her to give advice to others than to take her own.

Just like it was important for JE to talk to KH and his mum, here, it’s crucial that she talks with S. KH and S are similar in that they are very straightforward in the way they look at things.

S tells NB that if he doesn’t say he likes her, it means he’s either a jerk or he thought it was obvious (guess which JE is). She remarks on how special it is, that JE and NB are simply attracted to each other that way.

To S, matters of the heart are not complicated, she reads clearly. When JW asked her a long time ago why NB protected JE from the angry man, her answer then was also “She likes JE.” S’ way of handling her feelings for JW is a model that NB could follow.

S had a lot to lose, and had fears as well, but took the courage to face her feelings, letting the consequences follow. She tells NB, some things just work out suddenly, even when you think there is no hope. The caveat is you have to face your feelings first.

It all boils down to this - this show does not prioritise who NB ends up with, if any at all. But NB’s own breakthrough necessarily has to be facing her feelings for JE.

Some people say “she needs to figure out her life first”. But part of figuring out her life is to be honest about JE, to face the fears built from her past that informs the way she views JE. Whether they end up together is a separate matter. 

And this is emphasised when NB’s professor speaks to her and JE. She had expected the both of them to be able to come up with something great, together. In order to do so, they had to figure out each other’s strengths.

To this day, in their personal life, in their school work, they’ve been stuck, not fully understanding each other. NB has continued to repress herself, unable and unwilling to pour entire emotions out. This is the map for NB’s story.

In the previews we’ll see NB also trying to really, for the first time, think about who JE is to her. Then he commits to finishing the sculpture with her. No matter how difficult or painful, they have to figure things out together in order to move forward.

Meanwhile, we see JE’s uneasiness build after he asks NB out. This is a first for JE and he’s visibly nervous. He tells KH that he wants to be better. You know why? Because DH is "good", and he isn't.

He asks KH if he was too greedy. Remember his worldview has always been that “When people cross a certain line, they feel like it's meaningless.” KH assures him to just try harder.

JE’s growth all this while has always been leading him closer to being what NB needs. NB needs security, though she doesn’t admit it, she doesn’t want him to let go. Yet at the same time, JE is kept in a limbo, unsure if NB wants to date him. It unsettles him.

He observes multiple times that she speaks to DH instead of him. He doesn’t read DH/NB’s relationship properly either, because he’s never able to get a straight answer about DH from NB. So he thinks NB is emotionally moving away from him, and towards DH.

His hurt and uneasiness builds consistently throughout the episode, salt sprinkled on the wound of his repeated failures. JE reaching breaking point was just a matter of time. As SA told him, you can’t stay indifferent to someone you like.

JE is no longer able to smile things away, and in his drunken mind perhaps he decided that “It pays to be honest.” But his honesty is not expressed in an “I love you,” rather in an outburst of insecurity and hurt.

Here I’d like to recommend @mignonxminion’s thread on oblique dialogue. Two things are crucial in understanding oblique dialogue. 1) Characters engaging in oblique dialogue don’t answer each other in a straight way. 2) Oblique dialogue doesn’t give 100% of information, but challenges the viewer to fill in the gaps. What is said and unsaid is equally important to get a full picture of the situation. 

I’ve seen some people say that the writing in Nevertheless is bad because JE and NB don’t speak like "actual humans". However, among all characters, only JE and NB speak this way, and in specific situations. The rest of the characters are perfectly fine. The same writer wrote them all, and thus this style is intentional. Which begs the question, why?

NB and JE are similar in many ways. NB internalises everything to the point of hurting herself, but on the outside she’s a steel wall, refusing more hurt. JE drew clear lines with everyone, not letting anyone touch him, choosing to be casual as an offensive. 

They both don’t answer straight because they want to protect themselves, somehow, knowing that their feelings for each other are inescapable. Liking someone makes NB feel pathetic, makes JE feel uneasy.

JE asks questions to desperately grasp for just one clue of her feelings, of where he stands. NB deflects constantly needing him to provide one verbal assurance before she can admit anything. Frankly, cowards.

NB is understandably defensive and hurt. JE comes seemingly out of left field. She had always assumed JE to be calm while she’s the one uneasy. Though he’s voiced his hurt time and time again, she had not registered it to be true.

Now JE is unloading how upset, hurt and rejected he is like a broken dam. Emotions don’t stream out politely, they burst. Look at him voicing his fears. “Am I boring to you since you have someone else now? ” Is he being abandoned?

Does DH still like you after? Is that why you chose him over me? - JE doesn’t know that NB chose DH (she didn't), he’s trying to find out, also assuming that’s the case. We’ve already established that assumptions are really bad, and he'll face the consequences.

“You knew he was there?” “Did you know?” JE doesn’t know why DH was there, or whether NB had asked him to be there. Remember that night was the night he asked NB to date him. But if NB knew that DH was there, then in JE’s pov, NB asked DH to her place.

So what if NB met DH after he asked to date her? What if his question meant nothing and she already moved on to DH? NB asks him why he didn't tell her. But in JE’s mind, it’s more like - Why would he go out of his way for DH? And why does NB care?

That’s why he immediately links it to what NB told him in the bar. NB cares because she doesn’t want to disappoint DH. But remember at the bar he also asked “What about me?” and NB never answers. So here we see that JE is filling the blanks in himself, and he’s really hurting.

Hurt people, hurt people. By mentioning that he and NB had “that relationship”. JE is facing the fact that NB may have never seen him as more than a friend with benefits. Remember he does not know, for sure, that NB likes him.

And everything in Ep 9 has led him to believe that she doesn’t. All the residue hurt from when she confronted him in Ep 5 rise to the surface - Remember when you said there was nothing to end? Remember when I said it wasn’t like that? Butin the end, that’s all we had, right?

Ep 5 JE drew the line to protect himself, he was hurt that day because from the moment they kissed she was much more than just a fwb. It hurt that NB defined their time together that way. He didn’t know that NB herself was hurting.

NB is confused, remember this all comes as a shock to her. She tries to process. Is this all linked to him asking her out? Just to spite DH?

JE doesn’t say, “No, I asked you because I liked you.” Because in his mind he had already tried statements and tried being straightforward before and she always thought he was joking. He’s also now feeling defeated.

His mind is already forming a picture of NB’s feelings - I asked you because I thought you might like me too, but I guess that’s not what you wanted from me. You didn’t want to date me.

“And you say you really like me?” See NB knew, he never said it, but NB knew. Despite what they actually say, deep down they have a great inkling of each other’s feelings - if only they would be direct.

JE had guessed that NB liked him and that’s why she said what she said to SA and left. But since now all roads point, in his mind, that NB doesn’t like him, he can only assume the worst. He almost begs her, “Was that to screw me over. It wasn’t, right?”

But THIS is the question NB to answer directly. Even though it’s not true. And she voices all her insecurities because he hasn’t been clear to her either. Had JE been in a better headspace he should have heard “girlfriend”, what he did hear was “jerk”.

And he’s not denying that he’s a jerk, I mean, we’re all watching this. No matter how understandable his actions may be he is, what he’s saying is ugly, and he’s hurting NB.

We then get to the centre of his hurt. Something that DH tells him in Ep 8. That NB regrets the time she was with him. It’s JE’s fear, because those times were precious. No matter the label of the relationship, he had genuine feelings.

“Yes.” - Imagine how it must be for JE to hear this. But we’re the audience. We know what NB means. She’d been so insecure, those moments were precious to her too, that’s why she could never let the suncatcher go.

It’s not a, “I regret everything because I never had feelings for you”, but rather, “I regret because I do have feelings and now I feel helpless, pathetic, especially with you talking like this, confirming that all our relationship was nothing more than fwb.”

NB had not given the both of them a chance to be something more, but there is an embedded clue in her words. “I was an idiot getting my hopes up and thinking you could be sincere.”

I wonder, what was her answer to DH’s question about JE’s sincerity? It’s an answer that was deliberately kept from us. But perhaps the answer is already here, spoken. Finally, she did find him sincere. Alas, just as JE’s insecurities burst.

The night ends like the end of a raid, an explosion, a disaster. NB completely and utterly breaks down, alone and helpless. JE stands in the rain, in shock, the tears he resisted all this time falling as he realises, “I lost Nabi, for good.”

NB and JE could not simply go on the way they were - something had to give. Again we go back to NB’s sculpture, and it begs the question. Is it crumbling down, or is something being made? It depends on your interpretation.

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